A hawk's average day
by Viki-Rose
Summary: A story about some of the days that Hawkeye spent in the tower with the rest of the Avengers. The story is based on conversations I have with some of my friends, and I have no idea how they even start. Rating changed from K to T due to some stuff.
1. Chapter1

**This explains one of the many days that the avengers spent living in Stark Tower from Hawkeye's point of view. This is currently a one-shot, but I may write others later.**

**I am not too good at writing, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. I also hope you people out there find this funny. Happy Reading!**

**I own none of the Avengers.**

* * *

Clint was in his room relaxing after 3 hours of training. Clint was hiding from Tony. Clint was bored. So when he heard Tony's voice in the corridor, that was his cue to leave via the loose ceiling tile in his room.

In the vents and gaps between floors was where Clint was at home. He could spy on people, listen in on conversations, steal things while backs were turned, and most importantly, JARVIS couldn't find him when he was in there. This also meant that Tony couldn't find Clint when he was in there. This was one of the reasons that the archer loved it so much.

He had been relaxing up there for a few minutes before he was bored again. Normally he would practice when he had nothing to do, but he had already done enough of that for one day. So that left him two options; and as there probably wasn't a pair of skis and three rolls of fluorescent pink wallpaper in the tower, his only option was go and annoy Natasha. Even though annoying the Black Widow is something most people would only do if they had a death wish, Clint was not most people. And she was used to him, so he rarely got serious injuries.

After about thirty minutes of getting lost, Clint had managed to confuse a very smart person (Bruce), steal a fire extinguisher from a very smart robot (DUMMY) and scare a not-so-smart Norse God (Thor). He now knew the position of his favourite female assassin. He now had several new toys to play with. These toys could seriously annoy a certain billionaire that Clint currently wasn't speaking to.

**X-X-X-X-X**

He had been told that Natasha was in the gym, but after his nose discovered a beautiful smell, he followed that instead. Clint loved food. Especially food that smelled like baking cookies. And as it turned out, the smell _was_ baking cookies! This made him grin. He could just use his circus moves to flip down, grab the cookies, and flip back up.

He spent several seconds choosing the best spot to conduct the manoeuvre. The vent in front of him slid away easily, and as he swung down and stretched towards the delicious, sweet, crispy biscuits, a person saying 'ahem' made him lose focus and fall. Onto the floor. And he took part of the vent with him.

"Ow! OWWWW!" Clint wailed as he sat on the floor, before he actually looked around the room, "Oh, hey Tasha"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Lying on the floor in pain underneath part of an airvent because I slipped whilst trying to steal cookies", Clint stated in a matter-of-fact voice.

"Why do I put up with this?" she sighed.

"Because you looooooooove me!" Clint is given the Black Widow stare of darkness, "And because Fury will not have much suitable stuff to put on a reference and no-one else is willing to put up with me."

". . ."

"What?"

Natasha stares at his 'new toys'. "What are those and what do they do?"

Clint grins hugely, "Well, I have taken two items (he gestures towards the rubber duck and the fire-extinguisher) and attached them to some of Stark's new robots (he turns the items over so the small, silver robots are visible)."

"And what do you plan to do with them?"

"I have set the robots so that they all follow Tony and I changed their batteries. The only reason Tony didn't put more work into these was that it's practically impossible to stop them following you. They only stop when the batteries run out."

"You are a cruel, cruel person Clint Barton. But then again, I'm guessing it's your revenge after he-"

"DON'T SAY IT! I'M STILL RECOVERING!"

**X-X-X-X-X**

The two agents were sitting on the couch, full of cookies, when Tony walked into the room.

"Hey guys, I was told there were cookies. And how are the legs, Clint?"

"He's not talking about that Tony. He says he feels less of a man now."

"Fine then, but it needed to be done Clint. Your legs were scary as hell." Tony receives glares from his team-mates, so he holds his hands up in front of him, "Okay okay! Geez, how was I to know that he didn't want his legs shaved? Anyway, cookies. Where are they?"

"We ate them", the two people from the couch say in unison.

"WHAT? None for me? I was _forced _to leave my lab by Bruce because he said I needed to get food and talk to someone other than himself and JARVIS. I have talked, but he promised me cookies! That is the only reason I left! How could you eat cookies and not leave me any?"

Natasha goes to reply, but is cut off by Clint, "One, you shaved my legs and I needed payback. Two, what else were we supposed to do with the cookies, other than eat them? And three, They were damn good cookies, so we couldn't stop eating. Well, I couldn't anyway. Tasha only had 2."

Tony's face gets redder and redder with each sentence, and when Clint is finished he storms into the kitchen and comes out again eating pop tarts.

"I hate to tell you this, but Thor is gonna kill you when he finds out you are eating his pop tarts. That guy is possessive."

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THOR. I WAS PROMISED COOKIES, AND AS THERE ARE NONE LEFT, I'M HAVING THESE INSTEAD!" Tony storms out of the room with the box of pop tarts in his hand, not realising that he is being perused by a fire extinguisher and a rubber duck.

"What's his problem anyway? And you do know he's going to be even more annoyed when he discovers he literally has followers?"

"No idea and probably. Thor is so going to kill him."

**X-X-X-X-X**

Natasha and Clint were sitting at the kitchen table getting drinks. For the past 48 minutes they had been watching the live feed from Tony's lab, and they couldn't stop laughing at him as he kept trying of rid himself of the duck and extinguisher, and he still hadn't managed it. Natasha had started making pot noodles for them both and Clint was shooting the wall with his miniature cross-bow. That was when the God of thunder walked into the room.

"Greetings, my friends! I bring good news about the…" his voice trailed off slowly as he looked at the spot his beloved pop tarts usually lived, "WHO HAS MOVED THE FOOD OF THE MIGHTY THOR?"

"HIDE!" is all that the Black Widow can say before quickly vanishing somewhere. Clint dives under the table. Unfortunately, Thor decided to demolish said table with Mjolnir.

"WHERE ARE MY POP-TARTS?" Thor bellows as he picks Clint up by his shoulders. Unfortunately, Clint is in too much shock to speak. "I WILL CRUSH YOU, TINY HAWK!"

"Tony…stole…food…he's…in…lab…"

"Thank you my little friend!" Thor sets Clint down, slaps him on the shoulder, and sprints for the stairs.

"No problem," he wheezes. Someone needed to teach Thor that the people of Midgard aren't as strong as Asgardians.

Natasha then reappeared from her hiding place and sighed. "Thor owes us a new table."

"True dat," Clint stared at her for a few seconds, "And I told you Tony was going to die."

Clint has gained a bruise on his arm.

**X-X-X-X-X**

As Clint nursed his arm, Natasha sent messages to Bruce and Steve explaining the Tony/Thor/pop-tart situation. She then decided that Tony should also be warned, even though he deserved it

"Tony, Thor is looking for you. He knows you took his pop-tarts."

Tony points to an empty box and says, "Well, they were delicious. I can see why he likes them."

"There is an angry Norse God heading your way, and all you can think about is how delicious pop-tarts are?"

"So you admit that they are delicious?"

"No. I can't stand them. Biscuits are much nicer than that rubbish."

"DENIAL!" Tony says in an Australian accent.

Clint giggles. "I understood that reference!"

"Finding Nemo is so awesome."

Natasha sighs and glares at Clint, "Clint, you aren't even in this conversation. And will you stop making fun of Cap? Don't answer, I already know what you'll say. Would you please stop shooting arrows at that wall?"

"HE'S SHOOTING ARROWS AT MY WALL?!"

"Just stay safe Tony."

Natasha switches the video link off and sits on the couch. Precisely 173 seconds later, JARVIS sends a message out through the whole building stating that Thor has found Tony and he requires assistance. Tony that is, not Thor.

"You go. I don't trust anyone else with the situation and I can't be bothered." Natasha states. Clint obediently makes his way to the elevator, and once there he presses the button that will take him to Tony's lab.

**X-X-X-X-X**

When he arrives there, the scene doesn't look too good. Bruce is sitting in his chair with his face flat on the desk and in his hand was a used needle that had once contained sedative. And if Bruce had been stopped himself from becoming a green rage monster, then he was in the right place. But where were the angry God and billionaire? That question answered itself a second later, when the sound of something smashing came from the room to his left. Before he entered it, he decided it was best to call Natasha for help. She always knew what to do.

"Natasha! Wazzup?"

"What's happened? You left 3 minutes ago and you are already calling me."

"I have located the targets. But I don't want to go in. It sounds scary in there."

"Fine. Just go in there and try to diffuse the situation. The last thing we need is Fury wondering why we have a squished Tony."

Clint clicked the little red button on his phone to end the call. "Here goes nothing."

**X-X-X-X-X**

Natasha soon arrived at the room and although it was a mess, she wasn't surprised. Clint was hanging from something on the ceiling and trying to shoot sedatives at Thor, but none of them could pierce his armour. Thor was holding Tony by his shoulders and his feet were dangling 2ft above the concrete floor. Tony didn't seem too distressed, considering his situation. But this is Tony Stark we are talking about.

"THOR!" The God in question turned to face the redhead. "Please place the world's dumbest genius back onto the ground! You don't know where he's been! And stop shaking him while you're at it."

"NOT UNTIL HE RETURNS MY POP-TARTS!"

"Thor, that is disgusting."

"BUT THEY ARE MY POP-TARTS AND HE STOLE THEM!"

"Tony, will you buy him more pop-tarts if he lets you go?"

"Yep…Sure…Whatever…Hurting… Pain… Agony…" is all Tony can manage to say.

"Thor, put him down now."

The god huffs and places him on the ground. Tony then lands on top of his followers, and luckily people couldn't hear what he was saying due to the duck squeaking underneath him and the fire extinguisher spraying him.

"If you have not replaced the mighty food of Thor by tomorrow, then you will feel the wrath of Mjolnir!" Thor loudly states then turns and walks away, unfortunately he walked underneath the spot where Clint had been hanging from the ceiling. Unfortunately, the ceiling decided Clint was too heavy. The small patch of ceiling then fell onto the mighty thunder God, who wasn't too happy with the situation. "WHO DARES ATTACK THE MIGHTY THOR?!"


	2. TeamBuilding

**As you can probably tell, this is no longer a one-shot! **

**I would like to say thanks to the two lovely people who reviewed and the four lovely people that added this to their favourites.**

**I do not own any of the Avengers. Or Finding Nemo. But I do own Agent Small and Agent Houghton.**

* * *

Clint was sitting with his face and hands pressed up against one of Stark's glass walls on the top floor of the tower. His intense gaze was locked onto the entrance of the S.H.I.E.L.D building.

"Would you mind telling me what it is you are doing?" Natasha asked as she stood behind him with her arms crossed, "You've been sitting there for two hours."

Clint answered, but no-one understood as his face was still attached to the glass.

"Can't hear you Barton."

Clint's arm detached itself and swung away from the glass. His face was also detached during the movement, "I said I'm watching the S.H.I.E.L.D building and waiting for our two new agents to arrive." Once finished, he swung around again and re-attached himself in his previous position on the window.

Tony giggled, " You're just like that little starfish on Finding Nemo. What's it called again? Peach? Yeah, I'm sure it's called Peach."

Now it was Clint's turn to giggle, "Hehe, I'm a peach!"

"You weren't listening Clint," Tony whined, "I said you were a _starfish_."

"Peach!"

"Starfish!"

"PEACH!"

"STARFISH!"

"PEACH PEACH PEACH!"

"STARFISH STARFISH STARFISH!"

Natasha sighed as she left the room.

It was going to be one of _those _days…

**X-X-X-X-X**

After 3 hours of boxing a super soldier, Natasha returned and she brought Steve with her. And as the two of them walked along the corridor, they noticed 3 things.

The first was the thin layer of white foam that coated almost all visible surface.

The second was the smell of smoke.

The third was the yellow paper on the door.

After gently pulling it from the door, he read what was written on it before handing it to the assassin.

_If you are reading this, then you must be standing in front of the door to the lounge. There is a war going on behind that door._

_Enter at your own risk._

_Love,_

**xxxxx**_ Starfish_

"Who is Peach? Why is their name crossed out? For that matter, Who is Starfish?"

"Don't ask," Natasha placed a hand on the door, "Brace yourself Steve. We don't know what happened in there," Natasha pushed the door open and they stepped inside.

The room looked worse than it did after the invasion.

And it looked like the new agents had arrived.

**X-X-X-X-X**

Once in the room, they had heard the words "Cease fire!" called. Tony then walked up to the pair and gave both of them fire-extinguishers.

"What's going on?" Steve asked, looking worried.

"Team building!" A blonde-haired S.H.I.E.L.D agent exclaims as she pops up from a large patch of foam.

Natasha looks at the girl, assessing her, "And you are?"

"Agent Small. I work for S.H.I.E.L.D. But call me Louise. That's my proper name, no matter how much certain people try to convince you it's Agent. Me and Agent Houghton were sent over here to keep an eye on you guys and accompany you on missions"

"And where is Agent Houghton?"

"I'm over here!" A tall, male agent appeared from behind a rubber plant. His eyes instantly locked onto Steve and he ran towards him so fast that he appeared to glide. Skidding to a halt beside the super soldier, he grabbed the man's left arm and stroked it. Steve looked extremely uncomfortable. "I love your jumper," the agent stated, "It's brown."

"Personally, I don't like the colour."

"DENIAL!" is shouted towards Pepper from two different directions.

"OMG! Were you quoting Finding Nemo?" The two people nod with huge grins on their face. "I love that film!"

Just as Tony goes to reply, Steve cuts him off, "You still didn't tell us what was going on in here."

**X-X-X-X-X**

It turned out that 'team building' was an accurate description of what was going on. Each team had a fort built out of various furniture items and had 4 members. One team was called Team Starfish, and had Tony, Pepper, Bruce and Steve. The other was Team Peach, they had Clint, the two new agents and Natasha. The two teams the attacked each other with fire-extinguishers. To win the game you had to catch the duck; the small robot with the duck that Clint had used to annoy Tony.

There had been two hours of attacking when Fury called.

"Stark!"

"Yes gorgeous?"

"Why hasn't that paperwork been handed in?"

"I've been busy?"

"Too busy to hand in some paperwork that was due two months ago?"

"Yes."

"And what are you doing now? You sound breathless."

"_We_ have been doing some team-building. For our new agents."

"And you didn't inform me of their arrival?

"Nope." Tony made a popping noise on the P.

"Why not?"

"Cause then you'd bug me for not handing that paperwork in."

Fury sighed, "I _do_ need that done though. And Thor is on his way over."

The call ended, so the Genius ran through the house waving his arms above his head, "GUYS! I HAVE NEWS! THOR'S ON HIS WAY!"


	3. Thor's mighty return

**Chapter 3 is finally done! I apologise for the fact that it took so long, but I couldn't decide on what to put in this chapter.**

**And I would like to send my many thanks to the following people for adding this to their favourites: Akg36, alleycat2834, Angi Marie, booklover613, Boy Band, Bumblebee'sGuardian, gracegomes and MyRealLifeIsALie. I am also grateful to alleycat2834 and MyRealLifeIsALie for following :)**

**This is a short chapter, but it's my favourite.**

**I do not own any of the Avengers, but I down own Agent Small and Agent Houghton.**

* * *

Everyone sat around the table. Tony and Clint were having a thumb war, Bruce was doing science on his laptop, Steve was trying to detach Agent  
Houghton from his 'beautiful, earthly, squirrel-brown' jumper, Agent Small was discussing fashion with Natasha and Pepper was putting some papers into her bag as she was due in a meeting that started in an hour. Pepper stood up and left the room, then a very scared and worried looking Thor entered a few seconds later.  
Tony, being himself, decided to start a conversation, "Hey big guy! Whatcha been up to?"

"Man of Iron, this is no time for joking and being merry! I am afraid that there are strange women outside that followed me and I was attacked by their flashing Midgardian devices!" Tony and Clint began laughing at this and they received glares from their comrades, "I do not understand. Why do you laugh at my attackers?" Tony only laughed harder at this.

"Thor," Clint managed to say, "You have discovered fangirls."

Thor's brow furrowed, "I still do not understand. A fan is something one uses to cool down. I did not feel cold in the presence of these girls," Tony managed to laugh even harder.

"Thor, a fangirl is...um...a girl or woman that...admires you," Natasha explained.

Thor nodded at this, "I understand now Lady Natasha."

"Soooo," Agent Small piped up, "Are we going to celebrate Thor's return to Midgard or not?"

**X-X-X-X-X**

Thor kept shifting awkwardly from foot to foot as the eight of them stood in line, "Why must I wear these Midgardian clothes? They are tight and uncomfortable, especially around my-"

"Shoe size?" The man behind the counter asked Thor, who stared at him blankly, "What is your shoe size?"

"I am afraid that I do not understand."

"Would you please pass me your shoes then? They should have size written on them." Thor reluctantly handed his shoes over to the man, who left for a few seconds then returned with a wheeled pair, "There you go," he said as he dropped them in front of the god, "Next!"

**X-X-X-X-X**

Clint stood by the door and sniggered at the sight of Thor attempting to put roller skates on. He could have stood there all day, but he wanted to skate and he didn't want more Natasha-inflicted pain.

"My friend," Thor happily sighed as the archer skated over, "Would you be able to attach these Midgardian devices to my feet? They move away from me every time I attempt to put my foot in."

"Yup," He bent over and fastened the feet in with ease, "Now all you have to do is make it over to the door."

Clint then left and Thor slowly shuffled towards the door, and he wondered why anyone would want wheels attached to their feet.

**X-X-X-X-X**

"Hey there thunder," Agent Small greeted. She was clinging onto the bar beside the door, "If you want to stand with me over here, feel free."

"No way," Clint said as he skated towards them, "We are celebrating your return to Midgard. You have to take part."

"No jealousy there hawkie? I was sure that you-" Tony was cut off mid-sentence as he tripped when he passed the man he was talking to.

"Thor, I'm gonna give you a push to help you get going," before the mighty thunder God could protest, he received a hard shove from the archer, who then turned to Louise and grabbed her arm.

"Hey, what are you-"

"C'mon. I'm helping you learn how to skate."

"Does that mean Tony was right?"

"About what?"

"You would be jealous of Thor if he stayed with me?"

Clint took a few seconds as he debated how to answer, "Maybe."

The two of them locked gazes as Clint spun them around in a circle. Louise laughed at this, and her laugh made Clint smile. Louise pulled the man down so he was closer to her, but they were sadly interrupted.

"Whoop! The archer has hit the bull's eye!" Tony shouted as he took a photo with his phone. Natasha hit Tony full force as she didn't notice he had stopped. Steve then made his way over to help the two up, but he collided with Bruce, who was also going to help. The four of them lay in a pile, so Clint stood in front of them with his phone to take a picture.

"I CANNOT STOP!" was all that the Norse God said before crashing into the archer and the Avengers assembled into a heap of bodies and wheels while two amused SHIELD agents watched.


	4. Chapter 4

**When I was writing this, it seemed realy good but when I read it through after finishing, I hated it. But I have been informed that this is good.**

**I have started to write the next chapter, and don't worry, tis much better.**

**I am accepting any/all ideas you people have so feel free to share!**

**Other than that, I would like to say thanks to fyefan0, Ginger Sherlock and succinite for adding this to their faves and fyefan0, SkysFireLady15 and TheMostRandomOfRandomWriters for following.**

* * *

Clint woke up in an odd position. He was tied to a chair. He was the wrong way up. He was dangling from the ceiling. The only thing he could do was look around. On the wall he was facing was a note that read:

Clint, I am going to Italy on a mission. I will be gone for a few days and Agent Small is with me. You are probably wondering how/why I did this to you. How I did it will remain a secret. My reason for doing it is that you need to practice your 'awesome assassin ninja move thingys'. I know that you will not practice while I am away, so I have started your escape training!

From Natasha xxx

P.S. You are being timed. Get out quick enough and you will receive a prize. I have also placed items in the room that will help archer looked around the room and saw three items on the floor: a spray-can of something, a box of matches and a stick. He sighed. This was going to take a while.

**X-X-X-X-X**

It took Clint fifteen minutes to get his left arm free. It took ten minutes to get his right arm free. It took half an hour to get rid of all ropes and realize that his clothes were glued to the chair. It took one minute to remove his shirt and trousers. It took two seconds to fall on his he had regained balance, he looked around the room and at the objects. There was no door, there were only small cracks in the walls at the corners of the room. There was an air-vent, but it was too small to fit through. The window was tiny, and all that was behind it was a light-bulb. As for the objects, the man didn't have a clue. His first thought had been explosives, but he soon discovered that the can was full of water. He had matches, but all that he could burn was the rope and chair he had been attached to. The stick turned out to be a cat toy with a dangly ball of brown feathers attached to the string at one end, and he had no idea what that could be used for. Well, until he heard Agent Houghton walk past.

"Houghton my man!"

"AAAAAHHH!"

"You wanna let me out?"

"Where are you? What are you doing?"

"Tasha shoved me in here."

"You're in the big shiny box on the roof? I wondered what was in there, but Tony said it was a secret."

"Tony will need protection once I'm outta here... D'ya think you could you let me out?"

"I dunno... Why are you even in there?"

"Escape training." Clint said as he started shoving the end of the toy through a crack in the corner.

"I don't think I shou-" the Agent started to say, but his eyes locked onto the toy, "Brown. Beautiful brown."

"You can have the beautiful brown if you let me out."

"Wait a second, are you bribing me?"

"Of course I'm not. I' m just saying that the beautiful brown will be yours if you get me out."

"Anything to get the beautiful brown..."Agent Houghton started taking bolts out, and a few minutes later Clint was free. But he didn't hand over the toy. He was going to keep it. It could come in handy later...

**X-X-X-X-X**

"Clint?" Tony asked when he saw the mostly naked man jump from his couch to the air vent above it.

"Yeah?"

"Why only wearing underwear and carrying a cat-toy? Cause if you're into-"

"Shut it Tony. And if you tell the others-" Clint looked around the room. It was empty. He couldn't hear anything either, "Wait, where are the others?"

"Well, Nat and Lou-"

"They would kill you if they knew what you just called them," the archer interrupted.

Tony simply rolled his eyes and carried on, "-are in Italy on a mission. Thor went back to Asgard for something. Bruce is on the Helicarrier packing 'cause he's properly moving into the tower. Steve is out shopping for a jumper that isn't brown and our beloved Agent Houghton is still here. And I'm going out later on a test flight in a few minutes."

"Right..." Clint fully disappeared into the vent and moved towards his room as he plotted his revenge on Tony.

**X-X-X-X-X**

The archer stepped back to admire his work and nodded in approval. Tony's bedroom looked much better in brown. There was just one element that it was lacking and Clint knew how to lure him in.

**X-X-X-X-X**

His target was in front of the T.V. drinking coffee. Clint lowered the toy in front of the screen, and it was clear that the Agent had seen it. The man jumped to get the toy, so Clint pulled it back and headed towards the next vent. He dropped the toy from it, but the Agent was too busy trying to get inside the last opening."Over here!" He said, and the man ran over to the new spot.

"Lovely brown."

"Yes, it's very lovely."Clint then moved to the next vent and repeated. Then the next, then the next. He kept on going until the man was outside of the door that led to Tony's improved bedroom.

"Nooooo! Where'd the brown go?"

"It's through the door. Just open it and go in."

The Agent walked in and gasped. Clint smiled at his reaction, closed the door, and walked off.

**X-X-X-X-X**

Clint had always been a light sleeper and it didn't take much to wake him. So how he had been sleeping through this, he had no idea. He ran into the Avengers' main living area and his suspicions were confirmed. There was, indeed, a fire. And a large one at that. Tony was smiling evilly as he threw stuff onto his orange mountain.

"Tony, it is way too early to exist. So why the hell are you burning your stuff at 2am? And did you have to do it on the new table?"

Tony turned to Clint, and it was obvious that he had gotten less sleep than usual and had way too much coffee. The genius then walked up to the archer and whispered in his ear, "It's the only time it can be done. When he is asleep. That Agent. That stupid Agent. That stupid Agent and his obsession with the colour brown. I am ridding the room of all brown items. Then I will burn the brown stuff in my room. Then every room. I can't take it anymore." Tony then ran back towards the flames and threw a couple of wooden spoons onto it. Clint looked around the room in desperation, for anything that might help him be responsible, considering that he caused this. And there it was. The orange case shone brightly and it called to him. He glided over to it and flipped the lid up. Using both hands, he removed the syringe and examined it. It already contained the Hulk-strength anaesthetic. Would it be too much for Tony? Would he survive it? Clint decided that he would as the caffeine would just neutralise it or something. So he jumped onto the sleep deprived man and shoved the needle into his arm. Tony was on the ground in seconds, and DUMMY finally got to use his fire-extinguisher for it's correct purpose.

**X-X-X-X-X**

It took an hour to get the flames out, and a lot of water to get everything to cool down. Clint was too tired for heavy lifting, so he decided to leave Tony on the floor. He then managed to get Agent Houghton into his own room. Clint then remembered his door was locked from the inside (he usually uses the vents) and he was too tired to find an alternate way in. His feet shuffled across the floor in the direction of the couch. He then saw that Tony had moved to the couch, so the archer just fell asleep on top of the genius.


	5. The lemons

**Dear peoples who are reading this: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LENGTH OF TIME IT TOOK TO UPDATE THIS! My laptop has decided that it doesn't like the fanfiction website and it has also decided that it doesn't like to save stuff. So I now have to write at school, and this means that I only get 2 hours a week to write, not including time staying back. So updates may take longer until I get my laptop fixed. **

**I love all you new followers and fans ^_^**

**I do not own the Avengers or Portal. Or 'That 70's Show'.**

* * *

"ANTHONY EDWARD STARK YOU PUT THOSE LEMONS DOWN!" Pepper's voice shouted from the kitchen, followed by a response from Tony.

"But Pepper, they weren't hurting anyone."

"THEY COULD HAVE HURT PEOPLE! THEY'RE COMBUSTABLE!"

"They only combust if-"

"I DON'T CARE! I REFUSE TO KEEP COMBUSTABLE FRUITS IN OUR KITCHEN!"

"Pleeeeeease Pepper!"

"NO! NOW IF THESE ARE STILL IN THE KITCHEN AFTER MY MEETING, WE WILL SEE IF YOUR SUIT CAN PROTECT YOU AGAINST THEM!"

Pepper then stormed out of the kitchen and left a pouting and plotting Tony in the kitchen.

**X-X-X-X-X**

Clint was in his room, smiling to himself as he heard Pepper's shouting. Tony had it coming. He then turned his head as his clock started to jump around on the desk. It was time for target practice. But his bow was in the kitchen…with Tony…and combustible lemons…time to run, Clint. The door burst open, and Clint was shocked, surprised, and angry at the same time.

"Why hellooooooo there face!" Tony said while giving a cheesy grin and holding something behind his back. And as Clint looked around the room, he noticed that his arrows were missing, as were the combustible lemons.

"Tony, where are my arrows and what have you done to them?"

"I have _done_ nothing. I am still doing," He said, while fumbling with something behind his back.

"Tony, give me my arrows. Now."

"But I'm improving them!"

Clint's face fell, "GIVE ME MY BABIES!"

"But I'm not done!"

"Give me them!"

"NO!"

"STARK!"

"BARTON!"

The two men engaged in a staring contest that lasted a whole five seconds before the archer lost it and leapt at the genius. Clint kept reaching for his arrows which were still out of view while Tony attempted to push him off. Punches were thrown, names were called and arrows were hidden. Natasha was the one to break up the fight, but only because they were blocking the route to the coffee machine.

"GIVE IT A REST RIGHT NOW OR I WILL TELL THOR THAT YOU TWO ATE HIS POPTARTS!"

"But...no-one ate his poptrarts..."

"How will he know that when he finds out that they are missing?"

"But they aren't missing!"

"They could dissappear _very_ easily."

The two men locked gazes before falling at the woman's feet, begging her not to destroy the pop-tarts. Bruce chose this time to enter, and he froze at the sight of what appeared to be Tony and Clint worshipping Natasha. He debated whether he really needed to get coffee, which he decided to go without and walked on.

**X-X-X-X-X**

"And what do you say to Clint?" Natasha softly said to the genius.

The man loudly sighed before replying, "I'm sorry for stealing your arrows and giving you a wedgie."

Natsha nodded then turned to face the archer, "And what do you say to Tony?"

Clint scowled, "Where the hell are my arrows?"

"Clint..." the widow warned while Tony smirked.

"Well, they are in Natasha's room."

Clint smirked, as he knew Tony was in for it now. Natasha's skin changed to the same shade as her hair. Tony's smile faltered.

"Tony, tell me where they are. Now."

"Nope."

At that second, a loud explosion was heard from the direction of Natasha's room. She then lept from her chair towards it, while the other two followed behind.

Clint leaned into Tony and whipered into his ear, "So what exactly did you do with those arrows?"

"I replaced the arrow-heads with the combustible lemons and hid them in Natasha's panty drawer."

Clint froze as he processed the information. "I will lay a red rose on your grave at your funeral," He whispered before jumping into the vents and shuffling away.

"ANTHONY EDWARD STARK GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE RIGHT NOW OR I WILL BE FORCED TO DRAG YOU IN HERE BY YOUR MANLY PARTS!"

Tony simply skipped into the room, then lay down on the floor.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Tony began to roll around.

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!"

Tony looked up at her and gave her a huge cheesy grin, "Of course. Now if you'll excuse me..." Tony filled his hands with the slightly singed underwear and threw it above his head, "PANTIES! GLORIOUS PANTIES!"

The female assassin looked at the man, while plotting.

No-one saw Tony for a few days.

How the hospital cameras missed him will forever be a mystery...

* * *

**Notes:**

**Wooo! First time I've done a notes section!**

**CLIFFHANGER ENDING!**

**And once again, I apologise for the long update.**

**Please review, I haven't had any in a while :)**


	6. insert awesome and relevent title

**So...don't kill me or anything because I wrote the world's shortest chapter. It's just that I haven't had much time to write, and I won't be able to do anything next week, I want to give you guys something to read. And there is a cliffhanger! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN!**

**I still don't own anyone.**

* * *

"Louise! What the hell are you doing with that banana?!" Clint shouted at his lady friend.

The lady in question looked up from her fruit and gave the archer a huge grin, "I'm fashioning a bow out of it. It will be able to fire the cherries that I sharpened earlier!"

Clint warily looked over to the table, and there were several sharpened cherries. He looked back over to her when she began to cry, "Loulou, what's wrong?" He hugged her close as she started crying harder, "Please don't cry. You know that Tony will use this as blackmail."

"But...But...But my banana has gone all mushy!" She wailed, and Clint noticed the horrible wet feeling that was soaking through his shirt.

"Um…I don't know how to tell you this…But your banana is leaking through my shirt." Louise looked up at him with big puppy eyes. Very big puppy eyes. With suspiciously large pupils, "Um, have you taken anything today? Like…some pills, or drugs or something?" Louise shook her head. Clint searched his head for a few minutes, "Did Tony give you something?" Louise nodded. Clint scowled, "That noob is going to pay for his crimes."

**X-X-X-X-X**

Tony Stark was in his usual place, doing his usual thing. AKA, He was in his workshop, raving to his awesome rock tunes. Clint knocked on the door, and Tony replied with a wave and a smile. Clint gestured to the lock, but Tony shook his head and pressed a button, causing blinds to fall and cover the windows. So the archer did his usual trick of going in via the ventilation system. But just before he jumped down, the music cut off and he heard Tony talking to JARVIS. 'Snooping time!' Clint thought to himself.

"Right then JARVIS, I really think I should work on the antidote for whatever the hell we actually gave Louise."


	7. Apologies

**People of the internet that have been glorious enough to read my story and reach this chapter:**

**I am very sorry for not updating! It wasn't supposed to take this long!**

**I have been suffering from a dreadful case of writer's block, so every time I try to write my brain just goes 'nope'and locks me out.**

**X-X-X-X-X**

**Just so you know, I will be taking this chapter down and replacing it with proper writing when I get around to it. The last chapter is likely to get similar treatment.**

**I've also been doing my best to avoid putting this note thingy up, as I know I dislike them and don't want to be a hypocrite, but I noticed how long it's been and felt the need to tell you that I am alive and well.**

**So, sorry again.**

**:(**

**Viki-Rose.**


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